I really have turned something of a new leaf over. I came to the realization that, with my move west, with all that I left, I am willing to put it all on the line. My private self-esteem I will test to its limits and beyond. What I mean by this is that I am willing to be rejected. It doesn’t scare me now (well ok, it does, but I’m not going to let that stop me). I’ll put out my work. I’ll sound off. I’ll pound doors. Why? Because no one knows me here. There are plenty of places to try. And most will never know of me. Even if I try, with all the people in the competitive mix, they may easily forget me. So that means I can try again to get their attention at a later date. And again. And again. This anonymity lends a certain comfort level. And if I fail spectacularly? Well, I suppose I work the line. I ‘ll become a laborer on some assembly line, or something. If that fails? Well then hopefully I get to stay on the west coast.
But I have around 6 months to make something work. Even a partial success will go much towards making things better. But I can try really hard for now, and for now, if I am rejected, so be it. That in itself is a victory. As I would have 6 months ago not even allowed myself the chance.