As I have continued my work on Tyrlion Design, I sometimes get a little frustrated. While I don’t always mind the upkeep (talking with people, getting my name out, uploading images, blogging, etc.) I sometimes start thinking….”shouldn’t I be doing something else? Like DRAWING??????”. That’s one of the hard parts for me at the moment. Part of my mind is on shameless self promotion (of which they never is an end to the process), and the other part just trying to find time to create product to make. Even more bedeviling is the fact that while I am proud of the work I have done so far, many of the works are of a time that shows where I was. Not where I am now. I am, technically much better now. And with time I can become much better, as the ring rust of years in print production stamped out my imaginative process in favor of quick turnaround and technical concerns. Also, working as many hours as I did in my field, it left little time to create anything after hours. It was a significant part of the reason I left my workplace of almost 18 years.
Finding enough time to promote my work and create my work is going to be something I know I must constantly wrestle with. Especially when I begin to work full-time again. Maybe that’s why I am trying so hard to work hard now. Because I know this time in my life, when I willingly turned away from my somewhat secure (though slowly becoming more unstable ) life to this rather crazy endeavor, I have an opportunity. Whilst I am unemployed at a full-time job, I have time. Precious, precious time. I have to make it work for me.
I suppose that I am trying to undo almost 20 years of what I allowed to happen to me in the workforce. I was hoping to give myself and my family some stability, and I tried to make some semblance of money so we could have a house, a car, and whatnot. My wife and I worked 50+ hours a week (many times more than that) to try to pay for these things. We gave up having children (couldn’t afford them, couldn’t spend time with them working so much,so why bother?). We lived in a modest 8oK home, drove 1 car. And still, it wasn’t enough. So I wound up selling my youth and dreams. We both did. Because of the economy in rural Pennsylvania, and what I would term on a good day an “indifference” of employers in the area to employees it didn’t land us anywhere.
I’m not trying to boo-hoo too much though. We got out. We left. We might have had to sacrifice our future to do so. But I do know, after more than 20 years in Indiana PA, my past, present and future were to surely fall to ruin.