I think my internal censor just broke.

This morning, whilst looking for employment, I found an interesting job posting.  I was excited about it enough that I actually called up the company in order to convey my enthusiasm and also to stick a little bug in their ear about my resume and desires.   I was excited as I hung up the phone.  But it wasn’t because I think I got the job (even though this job practically screams me – many times that doesn’t matter), or even a chance at it.

I was excited was because I tried, I gave it my all.   Two months ago, I would never have been so forward.   I always imagined a wall of propriety between people.   Ok, I still do.  But I also know that most likely, if I dumped my resume to the job site like most other people, I would never know if they saw it.   And now, dumping my resume and leaving it to whim (if I can help it) seems ludicrous.

It is frustrating at times.  People don’t get to see, or talk to most people anymore with all the screenings and floods of resumes.   A person who has heart, a person who wants to make something of themselves cannot get to where they want because human interaction is cut out of the process.   And I have found, much to my detriment, that being meek, easy going and hard working doesn’t get you anywhere.  You have to be hard. Push. You can still be kind about it, but somehow, some way, one has to get noticed.   I used to think that being forward to people would ruin my chances at a job.  Perhaps someone would get angry at me.  Like many people, I have an innate need to be liked.   However, unless I get myself noticed, pique someone’s curiosity, then I am toast anyway.  Another dead and rotting resume on the slush pile.   If I die on the employment table, better to go down fighting than laying down in a fetal position and quietly whimpering in the pale still moonlight of mediocrity.

In the end, we’ll see.  Although this is an interesting job prospect, I have to just push on until I get hired somewhere.  I can’t think about it, just move on to the next place.  Until someone takes the chance with me, and gives me the workplace home I desire.  A place where I can plant my flag, and show them what I can do.  Find a group of people I can be loyal and steadfast with, people I can fall in love with.  But that, for now is still a dream,

I do know that for this snapshot in time, it isn’t the result that mattered.  It was the process.


About Rhett Kennedy

An east coast transplant living in San Jose CA, and loving it. I am a master of useless trivia (medieval and ancient culture, a smattering of politics, ukulele and fan of most forms of music). I know life insurance, audio visual technology, commerical and fine art nd love to sing scottish ballads. I'm happily strange and enjoy strange people as a result.
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