A “B”? Screw that!!!!

Ok – I was at lunch the other day at my job in Google, and my supervisor asked me to grade my work.   I shyly suggested a “C, C-“.  He respectfully disagreed and gave me a “B” for my efforts.  I respectfully have to say “Screw that!”

Quantifying my work these last few months is a very strange evaluation for me.  On the one hand, I have been working about 65 hours a week (both on site and self study at home) trying to master the skills necessary to survive in my new profession.  For this, I give myself an A+++ for effort.  On the other hand…..I’m not that good yet.   If I am a natural at anything, I am an artist, a writer, somewhat of a musician, and a historian.  But Audio Video Technician is not amongst the abilities I would rate as taking like a fish to water.   Everything I have learned so far has been gained from an incredible Herculean effort on my part.   It has been study, study, study. Sadly, I forget 70% of what I have learned.   Then go back and study, study until I learn it.   I hate being crappy at anything.  Just hate it.   On the other hand, I truthfully evaluate my skills compared to my compatriots as a C-.  C- means to me I understand what they are saying.   I can troubleshoot low-level problems (and perhaps now a few mid-level ones).   I also have, in the last month finally reached the point where someone can show me something, and it sticks in my mind with much more ease, as I have absorbed the first 2 to 3 months of on the job knowledge and the amount I need to study is diminished somewhat.

Or at least I thought so.  I have been given another set of related (though) new responsibilities to learn.  This excites me.  But I wanted to fine tune my present set of skills.  This however is the life I should and want to lead at Google though.   I always like not knowing everything, having another set of hurdles.  I feel comfortable knowing about 85%-90% of my skill set and having another endless set of hurdles to jump.

Right now I am still uncomfortable though.  I know I estimate about 65-70% of what I would like to know in my first set of skills, and maybe 25-30% of the second set of skills I  just got handed.  So that is where my self-evaluation comes from.  That, and even if I felt I was doing great work, I have been brought up to be modest.   I’d hate to tell people I was doing “A+” work even if I felt I was.  This is something I have to be careful about at Google.  Google is full of Alpha male/females.  They aren’t shy about anything.  They go for the jugular.  Privately, I do too.  I just prefer to be more genteel and quiet about it.  I confess, I like people to underestimate me a bit.  That way if (and hopefully when) I succeed, it makes my private “I told you so” more sweet.   So yes, I do have some hubris and pride inside me.

That is why, when I was given a “B” by my supervisor, part of me was inside saying “B?????”  Well Screw That!!!!  I’m going for an A+++!  I want to become so good at what I do here that people respect what I do.  That is what I strive for every day.

That is my dream.  My reality is that in about 3 and a half months, I have clawed tenaciously my way from zero knowledge to sub-par mediocrity.  I loathe this fact.  That’s why I study when I get home and keep trying to learn from my peers as much as I can.  I do this for myself, and I study so that faith placed in me is well-deserved.

A+++ all the way.


About Rhett Kennedy

An east coast transplant living in San Jose CA, and loving it. I am a master of useless trivia (medieval and ancient culture, a smattering of politics, ukulele and fan of most forms of music). I know life insurance, audio visual technology, commerical and fine art nd love to sing scottish ballads. I'm happily strange and enjoy strange people as a result.
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2 Responses to A “B”? Screw that!!!!

  1. I truly respect your dedication and honesty. I will refer to you A+++ from now on :))

    • Lol – I wouldn’t go that far! I try to be honest to myself in my little rants. And it’s more like a bit of self-therapy on my part. So many people work harder and smarter than I. I just muddle through hoping to get better and be a worthwhile person. Thanks for the comment – it’s nice to see to hear from someone on the other side of the keyboard. 🙂

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