Lately, I have been thinking about “Phase 3” of my life here. The first phase was making the decision to leave my old life back east. The second phase was the struggle to find employment, and keep employment. These two previous phases still aren’t complete. I still own my home back east, and my beloved pets are still back there, being taken care of by my family. Not having our pets leaves a big hole in our lives. And I still don’t feel secure at my new job and position. However, I am thinking increasingly on how to start Phase 3.
Phase 3 is reclaiming some elements of a healthy lifestyle and artistic soul. My life has been a bundle of nerves for quite some time. My previous job was about 60+ hours a week, and coming here and being unemployed was probably the toughest thing I have ever done in my life. Looking for employment is exhausting. And now being at Google, I have been ramming my mind with constant acquisition of knowledge still foreign to my mindset.
I have allowed myself 1 day a week (Saturdays) to go off and play. Almost every Saturday my wife and I fill up the car with a tank of gas, and travel somewhere in California. We’ve been in our short time here to Yosemite, Napa Valley, San Francisco, Pacifica, Santa Cruz, Monterey, Pebble Beach, Stinson Beach, Carmel, San Bruno, Oakland, Pleasanton, Stockdon, Big Sur, Redwood forests, and many more beaches and places of interest to us. It takes almost no money since I have a small car and we eat somewhere relatively inexpensive. We so love this state and all it has to offer. We try to milk every drop out of paradise that we can.
So that is my fun. But in the back of my mind, I am missing big pieces of my life. In my quest for financial stability, I have ignored large parts of my life. Namely, my health (exercise), and my art. I would like to start this next phase of my life. But really, I have little time to accomplish these goals while I am still on an uphill battle in my training at Google.
Let me preface this by saying this is in no way Google’s fault. There are HUGE into balance of life. They want you in an out in 40 hours big time. They are big into nutrition, exercise and self- enlightenment. It is I who is slogging away like a crazed worker on my own time and dime. Maybe it’s my old east coast mentality that is used to slogging it out. It is hard to dump that part of me. Google wants hard work. They just want balance. I too want balance. But just when can I afford that? I am after all, just a contract worker there, and still struggling in my profession. When will I be able to safely rejoin that part of me with what I am doing now?
I think I could probably start squeezing in an hour a day for exercise (starting with 15-20 minutes a day since I am so out of shape). That much I think I can do if I but commit to it. But how to fit in time for the artist in me?
Art demands time. It demands a certain amount of solitude. You can’t just lazily scribble a few things here and there. With my current schedule, it would be almost impossible to bring that element back. I don’t know when I can safely take my hands off the throttle for work and begin my artistic endeavors in a serious fashion. Very tricky. But I can’t lie to myself. I think about it. A lot.
For now, I think I should at the very least concentrate on bringing back a more healthy lifestyle. It is important to bring this part, the part that takes care of the very machinery I live in, back up to snuff. As much as it pains me, I will probably have to push the artistic side down until such time as I no longer feel the need to devote large amounts of time to my AV training. I just miss my artistic muse. It is hard for me at times to make such decisions. Maybe in a few more months? Or maybe I’ll find a way to make some time for my art. Crap, I hate self-bargaining.
Or maybe one day I’ll just do it and take a risk. Although risks scare me, I do get excited by the prospect. Argh, being an adult can suck.